Lulu's Journal

Feel it, it is here!

2010-06-03T05:40:00.000-07:00

Just a caution to all the people who will be attending the World Cup games. If you are South African you will know our problem with crime. If you're not South African, I guess you also know. White people are generally easy targets because these scums expect you to be rich ( because you're white). Women of all races are also an easy target. They know you will not fight for it.

So basically, keep your valuables at home. All you need at the stadium is a bit of cash and your vuvuzela. The stadiums are packed with soccer fans but also there are people who are out there to grab what belongs to you. I really don't think one needs a cellphone at the stadium. So this is just my little input towards soccer fever!

But after all is said and done, we are going to have a good time! I'm so feeling it. It is here!

2010

2010-01-18T05:07:00.000-08:00

There is nothing I want more than the presence of God this year. I want the presence of God in everything that I touch , do or say. I do not want to pray about anything else. Like Moses, I am not going anywhere if the presence of God is not coming with me.

2010 Looks very good for me!

Apology to my heart

2009-03-09T05:07:00.000-07:00

Dear heart

I am sorry I couldn't protect you when you needed me to.
I'm sorry I failed you when I was the only one who new you well enough to guard you.
And now all I can feel is your pain.
I can almost feel the blood seeping from the wounds.
I can hear your sobs every night when I go to sleep.

I used to hear your laughter,
Your joy,
I used to feel your love
Your music
I suppose I took that away from you as well.

But I wish you wouldn't be this weak
This naive
I wish you would ask questions.
You have to stop being so gullible nawe! Nxa!

But then again maybe I shouldn't blame you.
Sometimes one should just go with the flow.
Live a little;-)
And I'm glad that you and I were able to do that together.

I'm going to give you a little time to mend and when you are ready
Please let me now.
Again, I'm sorry

Ps. I wish I could say it,s never gonna happen again but I would be lying.

...Ntambiso Matolweni, my dad.

2009-01-23T01:24:00.000-08:00

My dad would have turned 51 today. I can't believe that he's been dead for over a year. It's amazing how much I miss him. Now this is the man that I never even knew. He died just before we could even meet. We had a telephonic relationship, he and I. We talked for about three months and that was the most beautiful three months of my life. He actually sounded happy to talk to me, which was just lovely.

Out of all my siblings I think I am the only one that actually forgave my dad. That is becoming a burden to me because I am the only one who remembers the dates; his birthday and the day of his death.

So today is one of those days when I really, really miss hin. One of those days when I wish I could call him and say happy birthday and say I love him. I did get that opportunity once. The year he died I called him in the morning and he actually cried because I was the only one that remembered. My dad was just a beautiful person. He had such a peaceful voice. I can see why my mom fell for him( and the other few hundred women). I just loved my dad. I love my dad. It pains me that he died a very unhappy man but then again I wonder what God's plan was in this whole situation.

I love my father.

...the year ahead!!

2008-12-31T02:38:00.000-08:00

2008 was a terrible year for me. Work became more and more unbearable, I lost some good friends and I experienced a spiritual shift which was not was for the good. Through all of that though, God kept me sane , He kept me grounded through adversities. I can now say that I know God, I know my Father. He's my redeemer.

I'm very happy to be going into the new year, starting anew and forgeting what has passed. I'm looking forward to better things this year. God is about to do a new thing in my life. Never has the future looked so bright. I thank God almighty for having kept me thus far. He has been so good to me. I pray for all my friends to have a beautiful new year and prosperous 2009.

...Love...or like

2008-12-12T04:19:00.000-08:00

Looking back at my non-relationships I realise that I do not fall in love or in like the convetional way. I always fall in love/like with either people I cannot have or people that are so far away in distance. Story of my life. I recently fell for a man named Brian. He lives in Jo'burg and he has no intentions of coming to Durban. Brian is one of the sweetest people I know and it scares me how much I have fallen for him.

I have been praying about this and for the first time ever, I have asked God to just do as he pleases( normally I ask me to do what I want). Lol. It is such a great feeling. I haven't felt like this in almost four years and boy it's a b-e-autiful feeling. Infact if it doesn't work out I will be glad that Brian came to my life at this time to make me feel how i do.